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My Quantum Theory....and children

Tuesday, 8 June 2010  |  Admin

The lovely Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak inspired me today. One of the writing workshop prompt this week is about 'Time' and with my eldest boy fast approaching his 6th birthday it made me think about the relativity of time. My take that is, rather than Einsteins.
Did you know that in the quantum world it is possible for an object to be in two places at the same time? Or that time isn't always the same, it changes depending on where you are? To demonstrate, imagine you have a twin. You stay on earth, your twin goes into space on a fast rocket ship for 10 years; when they come back, they're a couple of years younger than you are. Bizarre.
I reckon that this same quantum theory is responsible for changing time when you have children. My eldest little boy will be six next week and who knows what happened to that time? But it starts before they're even conceived.....
If you're 'actively trying' for a baby, the period between 'doing the deed' and waiting for your period to come. Reality: two weeks. Helen's quantum theory: A LONG time.
Doing a pregnancy test, after weeing on the stick. Reality: 1 minute. Helen's quantum theory: Neverending.
Pregnancy Gestation. Reality: 9 months give or take a few weeks. Helen's quantum theory: depends on whether it's a first child or not. First pregnancies seem to take forever, second/third pregnancies fly by because you don't have time to think about it....
Pushing your baby out. Reality: Could take a few minutes to a few hours. Helen's quantum theory: Given that you're inhabiting a different 'I'm giving birth' universe, time is suspended, so just make up any length of time that seems appropriate, depending on how many drugs you've taken.
First cuddle. Reality: minutes or hours. Helen's quantum theory: Doesn't matter how long it lasts, you'll remember it forever.
Potty training. Reality: one week to 6 months. Helen's quantum theory: When your toddler appears at the bottom of the soft play slide, sans pants and trousers because they've wee'd in the ball pool, your walk of shame makes it feel like an eternity.
6th Birthday Party. Reality: 6 years. Helen's quantum theory: feels like the blink of an eye, how can my baby be a big boy of six?